


On the Road

by SleepsWithCoyotes



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Community: ironman7, M/M, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:18:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6117631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepsWithCoyotes/pseuds/SleepsWithCoyotes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And now a word from our sponsors....</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Road

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Ironman7](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/ironman7/) challenge [week 4 - prompt #5]

_I drive a Rolls Royce 'cause it's good for my voice_

"Welcome back to _On the Road,_ coming to you live via satellite on KTEN, a syndicated partnership," Hakkai said smoothly as he hit the signal for the next turn, staring straight ahead and watching his mirrors instead of fiddling with the equipment. "Gojyo, your microphone is fine. Please stop touching it."

"That wasn't what you said last-- _oi!"_

On a website run somewhere out of Boston, a counter would be ticking up another digit; the fact that one of their listeners was actually keeping track of how many times Sanzo used his fan was both mind-boggling and vaguely satisfying. It might do nothing for Sanzo's temper, but that was what they had Goku for.

"Pervy kappa," Goku was muttering, but Hakkai noticed he'd stopped fiddling with the microphone clipped to his own collar as well, snatching his hands away before anyone could call him on it.

"Can you idiots," Sanzo grumbled, "stop messing around for long enough for us to do the--"

"FCC," Hakkai reminded.

"--show?" Sanzo finished, eyes glittering, teeth bared in a snarl.

Hakkai shot him a sidelong look, but Sanzo furious was very worth looking at. Hakkai often thought it was a good thing the promo shots had only caught the man sullen and glaring; driving past a billboard-sized version of the infamous Sanzo snarl wouldn't have been good for anyone's auto insurance.

In the next lane, a shiny new Bug, canary yellow, started honking madly; when Hakkai glanced over, he found the driver waving through the rolled-down window. She didn't seem put out in the least by the fact that the girl riding shotgun was practically in her lap, waving also, or that the girl in the back was--

"Kanzeon," Gojyo purred devoutly, "if you're listening, _thank you_ for not giving the okay on the cameras."

The pretty girl in the back seat mimed a sultry kiss, no doubt listening to the show that very moment, and pulled the collar of her shirt down further, the press of her arms plumping her breasts tight against the stretched material.

Hakkai put his foot down on the gas, and the white Rolls shot forward, taking an exit at the last moment and cutting them off from their admirers.

"Um," Goku said, watching Hakkai warily. "Weren't we supposed to be going west?"

"Only a slight detour," Hakkai assured him blithely, still smiling.

"You people and your detours," Sanzo huffed, crossing his arms and sinking deeper into the seat.

"Are you in that big of a hurry to get to Indiana?" Hakkai asked.

Sanzo snorted. "Please. It's _Indiana_."

"Well, there goes our ratings _there,"_ Gojyo muttered in the backseat, visibly disgruntled at having his fun ruined.

"Perhaps we should move on to the news. Did anyone pick up a paper?" Hakkai asked, ignoring the way Gojyo scowled out the side window, arms folded across his chest.

"I broke it on the monkey's head over breakfast," Sanzo replied, too matter-of-fact to be lying.

Gojyo fixed him with an incredulous look anyway, sticking a foot out to kick at the back of Sanzo's seat. _Lightly_ \--not only would Sanzo turn on him in a heartbeat, but Hakkai would kill him if he scuffed up the upholstery. "Broke it? You can't _break_ a paper--it's _paper!"_

Fishing wordlessly under his seat, Sanzo pulled out a rolled up newspaper and shook it open.

"Holy--what were you trying to do, make snowflake chains?"

"Hm...it's a little difficult to drive with that--"

"I _knew_ it felt harder than usual!"

"Hey, Princess--how come the shrimp can get away with saying something like-- _ow!"_

"Because he doesn't know what he's saying," Sanzo replied, tucking his fan away once more.

"And besides," Hakkai added, "every time you get spanked by Sanzo, our ratings improve."

Sanzo's cell phone started ringing just then, but all he did was fish it out of his pocket, turn it off, and pitch it over his shoulder. Goku caught it on pure reflex, yelped, "Kanzeon!" and tossed it again. Gojyo did his best to duck out of the way, but when it fell into his lap and slithered down his leg, he kicked instinctively and pulled his feet up onto the seat as the phone went clattering into the floorboards.

Sanzo cleared his throat and shook open his paper once again, trying to find a spot that wasn't completely shredded to curls and bits of missing newsprint.

"According to the Associated Press," he said, deadpan, "there's been a new breakthrough in cloning. A group of scientists is claiming to have created a human embryo they're calling 'Nataku,' using DNA donated by--"

"Wait a minute," Goku said suddenly, sitting up straight in the back seat. "What do you mean I don't know what I'm--"

"And we'll return in _just_ a moment after a word from our sponsors," Hakkai said firmly; over the earpiece he wore, he could hear the sound of the _On the Road_ theme music coming on to segue into a commercial break.

"Not now, monkey," Sanzo warned, scowl sharpening as Goku made an incredulous sound behind him.

"Oh, c'mon, Sanzo--I'm not a kid! And I've been sitting back here with _Gojyo_ for a year already! And you--"

"Not _now,_ monkey."

Hakkai stole a glance at the other man and only just managed to keep himself from smirking. Sanzo's tone was clipped, his words forced through gritted teeth, but at the same time he looked vaguely trapped...which suggested to Hakkai that either their young friend had made more progress with Sanzo than anyone had suspected, or that some part of Sanzo wished that Goku _would._

Goku was perfectly still for a moment, his usual grin traded for a stunned thoughtfulness that would have had Sanzo yelling at Hakkai to stop the car, _now,_ had he been able to see it. And then Goku was moving, sitting forward and leaning over the back of Sanzo's seat, oblivious to anyone who might be watching.

It was a more valid concern than many might think; for a radio show on wheels, their white Rolls Royce was nearly as well-known as their faces. Though he knew Gojyo loved every minute of it, sometimes Hakkai missed the days when they didn't have a veritable convoy on their tails, with more star-hunters showing up in every city.

"What the hell do you--sit _down,_ damn it," Sanzo snapped, trying irritably to shake off Goku's wiry arms as they wrapped around him from behind.

"No way," Goku said, cheerful but determined. "If I don't know what I'm saying, I guess I don't know what I'm doing either, right?"

"You go, shrimp," Gojyo muttered in the backseat, shoulders shaking with stifled laughter.

Sanzo heard it and stiffened abruptly, which only proved just how little he'd minded Goku's closeness before...in a relative sense, at least. "I'm warning you," he began, which galvanized Goku into action; leaning forward even further, Goku tightened one arm across Sanzo's shoulders from behind, his other hand dropping to worm its way into Sanzo's jeans before anyone saw it coming.

Hakkai jerked his eyes back to the road, brows arched in startlement. Even Gojyo was silenced by Goku's sheer suicidal daring, though his eyes remained fixed on the gap between the front bucket seats, staring with disbelief at the sudden bulge in Sanzo's--

"If you don't get your hand out of my pants," Sanzo said flatly, murderously, "I'm going to--"

Music. That was the segue music.

Gojyo sucked in a nervous breath. "Oh--"

"FCC," Hakkai interrupted, firming his hands on the wheel. "And welcome back to _On the Road."_

The sound Sanzo made just then was indescribable, one part incredulity, one part fury, and one part uncomfortable, unwilling need. Though it lasted only a fraction of a second, Hakkai found himself swallowing hard, his own cock stirring in sympathy. Coughing politely--too late to drown Sanzo out, but better late than never--he cast about for exit signs and found nothing promising. If they left the freeway for surface streets, they'd be even more visible, and they were hours away from anything like a rest stop. His main concern ought to be keeping them away from traffic jams and accidents.

"So," Gojyo spoke up gamely behind him. "How 'bout them Yankees?"

"Is it that time already?" Hakkai replied absently, pulling himself together. "I'm afraid I've never really followed sports."

"Yeah, you look like poker's more your game," Gojyo offered with a generous smile. "Hakkai's got a poker face that just won't quit," he added for the benefit of the listening audience, though he might have reconsidered that testimonial if he'd been watching Hakkai just then.

Goku's hand was moving, rocking shallowly in the tight confines of Sanzo's jeans, but though one of Sanzo's hands had captured Goku's wrist, either the man wasn't trying very hard to pull it away or Goku was just that strong. Hakkai rather suspected both were true.

"Well," Hakkai said mildly, "I've found there are times when keeping one's composure is the only thing one _can_ do."

"You got that right," Gojyo muttered, followed closely by: _"Ow! Coffee! Hot!"_

Hakkai glanced back at Gojyo in the rearview mirror, nonplused. While he could certainly understand the other man's distraction, the fact remained that Gojyo had finished his coffee before they left the hotel and they hadn't yet stopped for more.

On the other hand, Gojyo's abrupt yell covered the sound of Goku's other hand attacking Sanzo's zipper quite nicely.

"Are you all right?" Hakkai asked considerately, the very corners of his mouth turning up. Goku had both hands down Sanzo's pants at the moment, muffling his own excited breath against Sanzo's neck, and though Sanzo's fingers were locked white-knuckled around Goku's wrists, all they did was follow along helplessly as Goku stroked him off, slow and steady.

"Yeah, yeah. Nobody panic; the merchandise is as good as new."

Hakkai was almost tempted to close his eyes, designated driver or not.

"Oh?" Sanzo growled, his voice only a little strained though his eyes were hooded and glittering. "Not much call to use it, is that what you mean?"

Sitting up straight from his slouch, Gojyo sputtered for a moment, mouth opening and closing as he realized there _was_ no good rebuttal for that; whether he claimed to be barely broken in or badly broken down, it was clear Sanzo had won that round.

When Gojyo's narrowed eyes flicked from Sanzo to Goku and back, Hakkai knew the war was on.

"Hey, hey--I'd offer to prove otherwise, but I wouldn't want to mess with the stereotypes."

"Stereotypes?" Sanzo managed, just to prove he could. Otherwise he wasn't breathing much. At least it was keeping him quiet.

"That's right." Gojyo's grin was pure challenge. "I'm the sexy one, sure, but _you're_ supposed to be the ice princess. It'd never work."

At the moment the ice princess had his feet braced against the floorboards, his shoulders pushing back against his seat as his hips moved in short little jerks, hitching up into Goku's fist.

"And anyway," Gojyo was saying, "everybody knows that the ice princess is supposed to fall for the fresh-faced wholesome kid who never takes no for an answer."

"I'm not a _kid,"_ Goku lifted his head long enough to protest, and the shocked realization of what he'd as good as admitted--live and on the air--froze him in his tracks. "Um."

Goku's hands stopped at the very same moment, and Sanzo made a peculiar hissing sound that Hakkai had only heard the white Rolls produce, a warning note of draconian impatience. "Hakkai," Sanzo said a shade too sweetly, "stop the car. And Gojyo--get out. I'm leaving you for your fangirls to find. If you're still alive in an hour, we'll come pick you up."

"Hey!"

"And Goku," Sanzo added, glancing towards the side mirror. From the way Goku swallowed, loud and nervous, he'd just done the same.

"Uh...yes, Sanzo?"

"Use it or lose it," Sanzo growled, and as Goku started yelping apologies, Hakkai had to bite his lip to keep from chuckling aloud. The message boards were going to _riot_ \--"were" they or "weren't" they?--but the controversy was half the reason people kept tuning in.

"Now, Sanzo. I'm sure you remember the last time we let Gojyo wander off without us...."

"Aw, Hakkai! That wasn't even my stalker! That was one of Sanzo's weird groupies! You can't blame me for Sanzo's weird groupies--the guy was even dressed up like him! That was so not my fault!"

"Hn," Sanzo said, a low, gruff sound that usually indicated his complete lack of interest in whatever he'd just heard.

Hakkai didn't dare look over at the man, not when Sanzo had just gone boneless and relaxed in the seat beside his, hands slipping off Goku's wrists as Goku pulled his hands out, humming something pleased.

"And we'll be right back," he said calmly, "after local news and the weather."

Silence reigned for nearly a mile as Sanzo calmly zipped up his jeans, no one looking at anyone. The most shocking thing, Hakkai decided, was how deeply unshocked he was about the entire situation. The four of them had been in rather close quarters for a little over a year now, true, but he didn't think that was it. From the very first day, when their station manager had thrown them all together in a small room and told them to play nice or else, he'd felt as comfortable around the others as if they'd known each other all their lives.

"I blame Kanzeon," Hakkai said aloud, and no one had to ask what he meant.

"That fucking bastard," Sanzo agreed, and Hakkai forbore to remind the man that Kanzeon was Sanzo's aunt. Or perhaps his uncle; Kanzeon didn't dress so much to fool as to confuse, and Hakkai hadn't thought it polite to ask Sanzo for confirmation either way. "'Station manager' my sainted ass. 'Ratings whore' is more like it. Sticking me with the fucking monkey...."

"Aw, c'mon, Sanzo!" Goku protested, hurt. "It wasn't that bad, right? I mean, I can do better."

"That's not the _point!"_

But Hakkai rather thought that that was _exactly_ the point.

"Oh look," he said, "a car wash." And took the next exit.

Kanzeon would kill them if the noise or the water interfered with their signal, but he suspected it would be worth it.


End file.
